It has been a whole month since I’ve written here. I keep thinking, I’ve got to get my thoughts organized enough to write a new entry. Because the thoughts are there, but my mind has been a jumble!
This is mostly because I am preparing to go on my first mission trip to Cambodia in one week, on a team with 5 other people I’ve truly grown to love. It is a short-term trip, for two weeks to Siem Reap, we will be serving alongside YWAM (Youth With a Mission). Corinne is our leader, she knows the drill well because she has gone to the country the past couple summers. She’s an amazing leader! Our team already feels like family to me. I am so excited to see where God is taking us, the people we will meet and how He will use us to further His glorious Kingdom.
Throughout this journey so far, He has been showing me so much about what it means to have faith. To live out that faith. To surrender. To break habits that I’ve had my entire life. Here are a couple things that God has been showing me:
1). Rely on Him and never on myself
Seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I saw this tweet the other day. I love this, and live this:
“My son is teething. Been up since 4a. Reminded how God stays up w/ me when I’m dealing w/ stuff that won’t matter in a couple of months.” – Timothy Charles Ross (@timrossorg).
This warmed my heart and speaks to the kind of Heavenly Father we have. And sure enough, the other night I was up and couldn’t sleep. It was something like 3am and my mind was racing and anxious, trying to put the pieces together. Sick of this mind that struggles to let go and refuses to hush. Worried about the next situation that may bring me into a panic, palms sweating, stomach doing flips, heart racing…irrational, out-of-control attacks. Feeling sad that it has seemed that the closer I get to God the worse my panic attacks and anxiety symptoms get. I turned on the light and opened my Bible, seeking Him.
(We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you). -2 Chronicles 20:12
And in the most beautiful, divine way, He led me right to His Word spoken, almost audible:
Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and He will deliver us. On Him we have set our hope that He will continue to deliver us…For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.
-2 Corinthians 1:9-10,5
As C.S. Lewis said, He was shouting to me in my pain at 3 in the morning. The sentence of death in my life has been fear, anxiety, feelings of worthlessness. But I will rely on Him, who raises the dead. He will raise me. If I humble myself, He will lift me up. The answer is always to draw near to Him. But I hadn’t fully surrendered, I hadn’t fully given it to God. I have to keep going, keep praying, and keep fighting this battle. We are creatures of habit and our hearts are rebellious, but He always provides the answers. There is nothing to fear when to live is Christ and to die is gain.
2). Satan is real and on the prowl
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one.
–1 John 5:19
In these months of preparation I’ve also come face to face with the enemy, He has made attempts to derail me and whisper terrible somethings in my ear. It has opened my eyes to the fact that Satan lies. He accuses, he devours, and he steals joy. He goes to great lengths to weaken us, to discourage us, and tell us that we are alone and will fail. (He says, “You think you can do all things? What a joke!”) But we have the Word of the Living God to assure us that this is the enemy at work and that he will flee when we resist him. I am confident that he is desperately trying to ruin something beautiful that will bring God the glory he deserves. Our weapon is the Word, sharper than any double-edged sword.
3). Be expectant that God is alive and working miracles
Look at the nations and watch-and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told.
In the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
I have learned to be expectant to receive. This is not to demand blessings or believe that we deserve anything at all. But by His grace to believe that the Lord’s promises are true and that good things are at work here. Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done. I am claiming this!
4). Prayer is absolutely and wonderfully POWERFUL!
Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
“For where two or three come together in my name, there I am with them.”
Prayer is beyond miracle-working, everything-defying, beautiful. Amazing. We can move mountains, heal nations, and overcome anything with prayer and petition.
At the end of a very disjointed entry I just want to say thanks be to God, and thanks be to all those who love Him and seek Him. Walking with Him is such an adventure. Please pray for the six of us on this journey to Cambodia (7/07-7/21), please keep the country and the people of Cambodia in your prayers. It is a hurting nation that has been through so much, in recent history even. I am praying that God will move mountains to shine His light and I pray that He will use us for His Kingdom.
Please check out our Cambodia blog and please keep us in your prayers: